Catholicism is a fascinating thing. Often I am really stumped by it. There is so much doctrine, ritual, legalism, rote prayers, Sacraments, Mary, saints, statues—the list is endless. I call it “Catholic clutter” and so I basically took a break from the Catholic Church during my child-rearing years for what seemed to be simpler, Protestant ways. I did my fair share of church shopping and reluctantly settled on a place where my severely wheat allergic daughter could receive gluten-free communion.
As a child, I went to Catholic grammar school with the mostly scary nuns, who had masculine names and rosaries jingling from their belts. At least we knew when they were coming! As it happened, I found myself in “Catholic” institutions all the way through my first two years of college. I was also active in music ministry throughout my young adulthood.
Now that my kids are grown, my Protestant break is over. I find myself back at the Catholic Church and wonder if I have lost my mind. Much of me still relates to the Protestants as well as more emotional forms of worship such as what I experienced in the Charismatic Renewal, where I found Christ and got “saved” as a teenager. I was so Jesus-happy my mother thought I joined a cult! Once, she even locked me in my room (those were the days of skeleton keys) when my ride was going to pick me up for prayer meeting. My mother was so worried she even took her very religious, protestant friend, to a prayer meeting to analyze the situation. They deemed it “okay” but far too emotional.
In my Catholic high school, I would walk around with a giant Bible and religious jewelry hanging from my neck and I tried to convert all my unsaved friends. It is embarrassing to remember those days. I was an actual fanatic, crazy in love with Jesus. But life goes on and has a way of toning you down. Problems ensue, life happens and the spiritual honeymoon is over. It was time to grow up.
What started me thinking about all this was a particular day recently when I happened to go to Adoration at the Catholic church, which then turned into Benediction, which then turned into people praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet, which then turned into Mass complete with a cappella hymn singing and topped off with the, suddenly controversial, St. Michael prayer. Whoa! When I got out of there I felt like I was doused in a full round of Catholicism, like getting a full service car wash or a hamburger with the works! It felt kind of good and cleansing!
On the other hand, it also felt kind of weird. What on earth was I doing there and even kind of liking it??? Me, the previous Charismatic, hand-raising, speaking in tongues, guitar playing, baptized in the Holy Spirit follower. What to make of this? Perhaps my doubts are from the devil, trying to tempt me away from Christ, or maybe it’s okay to like reverent rituals as well as joyful praise sessions. There are many forms of worship. After all, to everything there is a season.
But what is it that keeps drawing me back into the Catholic Church, even with all the brokenness, sex abuse and fair amount of poor leadership, especially from this current Marxist Pope? It is Jesus calling me to Himself through the Holy Eucharist. In all my time spent in other churches, many did not even offer communion during their Sunday services. The music could be good, the people sincere and welcoming, the preaching excellent, but I always had a feeling of emptiness. Something was missing. That something was Jesus in the Eucharist, the source and summit of the Catholic faith. I wasn’t getting fed in the most vital way.
Through the Eucharist, we commune with Jesus in the most intimate way. I am no expert on the Eucharist, but if I believe that it truly is the Real Presence of Jesus in the form of bread and wine after the priest does his consecration magic, then I am all in 100 percent. What have I got to lose? I can only gain. Whether it be strength for my day, a closer relationship with Christ, or food for my soul.
As I get older, I am growing to like the “Catholic clutter”. There is an over 2,000 year history to the Church that provides a richness and depth that other churches can’t rival. I am more fully appreciating the majesty of ritual with the incense, holy water and elaborate priestly garb, especially during holidays. I am more curious about what I can learn from the saints, that I used to write off as mentally ill, and am thankful we have a perfect Heavenly Mother who watches over us. I find comfort in the familiarity and I love good music (when it can be found). Now, being Catholic is like the icing on the cake. It’s like having all the flavors of ice cream ever made, not just some of them.
I will always cherish emotional experiences, and feelings of God’s presence, but that isn’t realistic all the time. It’s about commitment and faith, no matter what I feel. It’s about relationship and Jesus in the Eucharist, communing with me. And what is more glorious than that?
Resources:
https://www.renewalministries.net/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D2WhjcvXUA
Book: The Eucharistic Miracles of the World , presented by the Real Presence Eucharistic Education and Adoration Association, Inc.